Clear Is Kind Unclear Is Unkind

For a long time, I believed that softening feedback was the kind thing to do.

I would hint instead of say. I would wrap a concern in so many compliments that the message got lost. I told myself I was protecting the relationship.

I was not. I was protecting my own comfort.

Brené Brown names this perfectly in Dare to Lead. “Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.”

She explains that most of us avoid clarity because we tell ourselves we are being kind. In reality, we are being unkind and unfair. When we are not clear about our expectations and then blame people for missing them, we set them up to fail.

That idea hit me hard as a designer and as a leader.

Unclear communication shows up everywhere in design work. A vague brief. A critique that says it just does not feel right. A deadline that everyone interprets differently. A stakeholder who approves in the meeting and objects a week later.

Each one feels polite in the moment. Each one creates confusion, rework and frustration later.

Clarity takes courage. But it is a skill that can be practiced.

• Define what done looks like. Before work begins, agree on goals, constraints and how success will be measured.
• Be specific in critique. Instead of asking someone to make it pop, explain that the hierarchy is unclear and the call to action is competing with the image.
• Name the real concern. If the timeline is unrealistic, say so early. Silence is not support.
• Separate the person from the work. Clarity about the design is not judgment about the designer.
• Confirm understanding. Ask people to share what they heard. You may be surprised how different it is from what you meant.

Clarity is not harshness. In an earlier post, I wrote about leading critique with positivity. That still matters. Being clear and being kind are not opposites. Real kindness requires clarity.

Being vague is not being gentle. It is leaving someone to guess.

William H. Whyte, writing in Fortune in 1950, observed, “The great enemy of communication, we find, is the illusion of it.”

Unclear leaders often believe they have communicated. Their teams believe something entirely different.

Choose clarity, even when it is uncomfortable. It is one of the most respectful things you can offer the people you work with.